June 11th, 2012

James, relaxed

Signing Over The Round House

I worked all weekend, including a late night software release project with my coworkers ending at a little after 2am this morning. I'm short on sleep and tired out. Katrina has been amazingly supportive. She is a saint. She picked me up for a picnic lunch at the beautiful park at Fern Ridge Reservoir and then brought me back to work. Katrina also brought my team pizza late last night, even though delivery was an option.

The title company officer called and woke me up at 9:10 this morning to schedule a signing appointment. She pointed out I had misunderstood and misread the columns of the settlement. I was not and am not under water after all. Even after the price reduction I will actually receive a little bit out of the sale. Hooray!

That wasn't what I had expected, but a good turn. All that fretting I did throughout last week over IRA withdrawals or personal loan was unnecessary. While I would have been happy to have been spared that concern, it is no big deal. I dealt well with my worries and by Friday had set up a good backup plan, and have no tax or penalties the way I worked it out. I can leave it behind. What a tremendous sense of relief, though! It puts me a ways closer to being completely debt free, which has been on my bucket list since I started borrowing money back in college.

Katrina took a long lunch to meet me at the local title company office at 1pm today. I signed seller's papers. Documents will be sent overnight delivery to the Clackamas office. It should be possible for everything to close almost immediately. I am very happy that the new owner will be able to move into her new home.

As soon as I get word the deal is closed I will call the electric utility, home owner's insurance, and my auto-withdrawal service for my mortgage and finalize them. I think those are the only remaining things that I need to be concerned with (no garbage, no land line phone).

I think when it closes I will rally friends to come out to a bar and toast progress with me... it feels momentous. Then all I will need to deal with are all the belongings I couldn't part with that I have stored in the house and the storage rental... and life will continue forward.

Step by step the pain becomes less awful. When I found the death certificate this morning so that it could be recorded and Kathryn released off the deed, I re-read the police and medical examiner's reports from Kathryn's death, two and a half years ago. I felt grief reading the stories, but I'm continuing to do better with it. Even still, I recognized the same feeling that I have there on Girard, memories of feeling overwhelmed, unresolved arguments, distortions from Kathryn's illness, long distances separating me from supportive friends and family, and there's my former self, plodding along trying to be responsible and eat, work and survive.

When I stand there in Colton I feel encased in glue, and what I can accomplish alone is very limited. I missed a year of work and sacrificed most of my savings partly because the need to move out of that place and deal with it was so difficult. I needed so much help to make this move happen. All of you who have helped, I hope you can see your care and help made such a difference. Professionals I've hired have often treated me with the care and attention of a friend. I hope that all those who have helped are able to reach a little farther toward their own dreams this week.